Tip #1.
Don’t fight over the butter.
One of my favorite marriage tips came to us from our friends on our wedding day.
A story
Our friends shared with us about a real fight they had over butter early in their marriage and how it defined the types of fights they would get into over the years. What they learned was that, for each of them, there are hot button issues and their are issues that simply aren’t worth the fight.
Driving directions…there’s a right way and a wrong way
For Tony and I, there are times when one of us is truly hurt or frustrated. Those are the times to give each other the benefit of the doubt and bring up what’s bothering us. But, there are also times when one of us is “right” and thinks the other is clearly “wrong” and… you know… who doesn’t like being right? For instance, depending on who is driving, we take different routes to the same grocery store. I don’t get why he turns right when I always turn left, but there’s no reason for me to tell him all of the reasons turning right is the correct way to get to the grocery store…
It’s faster, for one thing… after you turn left, all of the other turns are right, which means you don’t have to wait for the traffic in the other direction… Can you tell I’ve thought a lot about this?…
What’s the point?
The point is, we are going to get to the grocery store regardless and in the end it doesn’t really matter how we got there. So, with all of the little ways we do things differently – fold towels, comfort the kids, load the dishwasher – the idea is to love the person you married and not let the little things divide you and cause unnecessary arguments.
Butter issues
It’s been such a silly and easy phrase for me to remember that I filter most of the things I might bring up by asking myself, “Wait… is this a butter issue?” Most of the time it is, and that’s a great reminder that not every little thing deserves air time in my marriage. Most things just aren’t worth the fight and I’d rather keep learning to love.
Meet Michelle
Michelle writes wonderfully inspiring articles about marriage at #staymarried where she reminds us that we’re not the only ones fighting for love. It all started when she realized the odds are, she won’t stay married. She shares her life with her husband, Tony, and 3 little girls in Oregon and encourages other couples to #staymarried.
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You are reading Better Together Tip #1: Don’t fight over the butter from davinafear.com. If you liked this post, you may also like 10 Awesome Ways to Compliment Your Spouse.
Davina Fear is a Familyness Adventurer. She wrote to Gwyneth Paltrow and will never turn down a chocolate cupcake.
She blogs at davinafear.com. Have you signed up for Better Together: A Marriage Adventure? Get your seat here!
By day, I photograph families. By night, I build forts the size of elephants with my family. I live in a yellow house. I believe real life is the best getaway ever.
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