Dear Gwyneth Paltrow

Dear Gwyneth,

(and all women everywhere)

Woman to woman. Mom to mom.

I want to say, I know you’re doing what you think is best. I know it takes guts to make hard decisions. And I know it takes courage to say it to the entire world.

As women we expect a lot of ourselves and a lot of others. We hear conflicting messages and perhaps even send confusing messages to friends and loved ones, too…

do what you love but don’t love it so much you’re not a good mom

be a great mother but don’t be obsessive

take time for yourself but don’t miss any of your kids’ performances or games

be a working mom but don’t make dumb choices with your family

be real about what motherhood is like for you but don’t say anything that will make the rest of us mad or uncomfortable

tell us what your life is really like but if you say something we don’t like we’re not likely to let you forget it

Motherhood and parenting and work and home can feel like such a mine field, bombs waiting to explode with one wrong step.

I want you to know, I get that you’ve had to make some really difficult decisions. Recently, I shared something that was not easy to share. I shared it with the whole world. Thankfully, I had people who rallied around me and told me they know what it’s like to let words hold them back. They reminded me that I was a good person. They told me their stories and they told me of how I had made a difference in their lives. I felt supported and understood. I want that for you, too.

I want you to know, I think it’s important for us to be there for each other as moms and women…no matter how much or little money we make, no matter what our careers look like or how many hours we spend creating them. I believe we are here to support each other. And I’m here for you.

I want you to know, I’ve said things before that were taken out of context, misconstrued, and given meaning that was never intended. I know I’ve also done the same thing to other people. I wish I hadn’t but I’m human. It happens. We’ve all done it. You’re not alone. I believe we’ve all been on both sides of this story.

I want you to know, you’re not the only one who has looked at someone else’s life and thought: she must have it easier because she’s making it look so much simpler. You’re not the only one who has felt like they were going through hell and looked around and seen what someone else has and thought: I’ll take that, please.

I’ve done it too.

I want you to know, I get it. It’s tough and sad to see a relationship you’ve put time and effort and love and care into come to an end.

I want you to know, I know what it’s like to give up something you love and adore for people you love and adore. You wonder if it’s the right decision and you see others managing the same type of career and family and they seem to be doing it so flawlessly. And you wish that could be you. You wish you could do all of that, too. But when you’re honest, you know that something had to take a backseat, something had to give, if you’re going to raise your kids with the kind of schedule and life you think will bless their lives the most.

I want you to know, I think you’re brave to stand up and say that you’re going to do this motherhood thing differently than you’ve been doing it.

I want you to know, I get it. You’re not alone.

I’m here for you.

Davina Fear is a Familyness Adventurer. She believes it adds magic to the everyday to dine by the light of candles and and read bedtime stories to her teenagers.