I’ve been there
I know how vulnerable and exposed it can feel to jump on board for a documentary session.
trust me
I just had a documentary session with my family. I hired one of my favorite documentary family photographers. And then during the weeks and months leading up to the session, I almost cancelled, for all kinds of reasons, multiple times.
four reasons why I almost cancelled
I looked around my house and saw all of the repairs that needed to be done, the carpets that needed to be ripped out and replaced with the hard wood floors I dreamed about since the day we bought our house, the fingerprint smudged walls…all of it. I knew that when she photographed our life those kinds of things would show.
It made me want to say, “Let’s hold off. Let’s wait until we get the carpet replaced. Let’s repaint and THEN have her come photograph us.”
it’s really embarrassing to say but…I thought it was about me
Over the last few years both Mike and I have gained weight that we’ve wanted to shed. Multiple times when passing a mirror I would remember our Day in the Life session coming up and I would want to call my photographer and push the date out a little farther to give me more time to get myself in a more lean, mean photo ready place.
The truth I realized is…no one thinks about the weight I need to lose but me. My kids think of me as their mom…the person with the big laugh, the one who lays down next to them at night and listens to their thoughts, the one who is there when they get home from school, the one who is so much more to them than how I look.
I’m doing this for them…and for me…so they can remember how we laughed, talked, and were there for each other. And so that I can remember, too, that I am so much more than what’s on the scale.
the fighting, my gosh, the fighting
Every time our kids would have disagreements or flat out get angry with each other I would think, “oh my goodness, this is going to be photographed.”
when the heck are we going to do this???
When trying to schedule our day and get our life in sync with my photographer’s busy life, I almost gave up then, too. I wondered if all of the struggle to find a date and make it happen was really worth it.
I didn’t give up. I didn’t cancel even though on multiple occasions I seriously considered it because of my own worries about how our life and home would photograph, what it would be like to have someone with us non-stop for 24 hours, the weight I wanted to lose, and the wrangling of schedules made it all feel so complicated.
the fraud feelings
I felt like a bit of a fraud having all of these feelings. Me, who is constantly saying how beautiful everyday life is. I was having all of these thoughts and worries about the things that I keep saying are the awesome bits of life.
It made me feel bugged that I was worried about things that I tell other people not to worry about. It felt shallow to be so concerned about what other people would think of our house, our family, our ways we interact, the way we parent…to see the real thing.
Even though I wanted to cancel, I didn’t. Even though it was scary to have someone photograph everything, I did it.
I’m so glad I did.
what I wish
I wish now that we had done one of these sessions every single year of our life up to this point. I wish I had a day of our life photographed every year and inside a book. I wish I had a day documented where I was seen in the day all day. All of the things Mike and I do, all of the subtleties of the way our life changes, the way our kids change, and how our interactions have changed from year to year.
I wish I had that
I’m a photographer so I have a bazillion photos of my family…of my kids and Mike doing things, interacting with each other, loving each other. I only have a handful of me doing all of those things with them.
I wish I had a line of books from the last 20 years of our life that showed one day of ALL OF US TOGETHER in photos and what that one day was like during that year. The every night questions that have happened over the last three years, the stories at bedtime that have taken place all through out the last 8 years, the way Emma played non-stop and helped me non-stop since she was little, Emmett always thinking and reading Harry Potter all those years ago, Grace when she was a baby I was juggling her on my hip while managing three other small kids, and Miriam and I talking for hours on her bed.
I wish I had a book of each of those years that my family changed so much…the daily stuff that we’ve built our life on.
it’s my one regret
If you’re feeling ready to book your session because you just know you can’t wait anymore, click here to get in touch with me and talk about what your session may be like.
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Davina Fear is a Charlotte NC Family Photographer and Familyness Adventurer. She believes in dinner at the table, slow Saturday mornings, and walks down the road.
She blogs at davinafear.com, and creates photo documentaries for families who have days where everyday is simple and complicated. If you don’t want to miss this moment, get in touch by clicking here.
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