When I feel like a lame mom

when a day goes wrong. very wrong.

Sometimes I fall prey to my own negative thoughts.  This is the story of one of those days and one of the ways I’ve discovered to pull myself away from the downward spiral of “lame mom-ness” also know as Lame Mom Syndrome (LMS). Has also bee know as Lame Business Woman Syndrome (LBWS) and Lame Photographer Syndrome (LPS) and Lame FIll-in-the-blank Syndrome (L__S).

A perfect storm

This is what feels like the 14th time in the car since school got out.  We’ve been to too many locations and everyone is hangry (hungry + angry)…including me.

A kid at school said something to one of my kids and now they are spiraling about what that must mean about them as a person…analyzing in a way that means tears are close behind.  Another of my kids is saying things they think are helpful to the situation but truly, it’s exacerbating the issue.  It’s coming off as mr./miss-know-it-all to the sibling they are giving ‘helpful’ advice to.

One of the other kids is incessantly repeating how hungry they are and another is fully disappointed I didn’t keep the promise of taking them to the pool.

I’m so hungry that thinking of something compassionate and patient to say has left me.  It flew out the window a few miles back and I’m pretty sure it won’t return until we eat something.

Keeping my mouth shut at this point is the best remedy for the situation but when one person (to remain unnamed) decides to push one last button on another person who was way past button pushing patience (who will also remain unnamed) and that person lets out a yell in the car….I know I’ve had it.  And I give it to them with my words and tell them all that everyone has to remain silent until we get some food.

It’s moments like these that make me doubt myself as a mom (LMS).

I begin thinking things like:

• *I know better than to let everyone get hungry
• *How can I let myself get so angry
• *Why couldn’t I see what to do in that situation with my kids instead of getting bugged?
• *Am I a terrible mom?  Are my kids all becoming entitled?  Is that what I’m raising?  Entitled kids?  Oh geez.  That’s not good.
• *I’m definitely not one of those moms they talk about that never once in her life raised her voice
• *My kids may be scarred for life and remember this day as the one when mom lost it
• *This is the day that will be the one my kids will talk about in therapy
• *Why can’t I be a mom who never gets mad?
• And the list of things I say to myself goes on.

Everyday is not like this but I have my moments.

Moments when I wonder if I’m cut out to be a mom. Moment’s when I get obsessed with a project and being a mom takes the back seat while I work to put out into the world something that matters to me.  Moments when I’m just tired.  Moments when all of the kids are having a tough day for whatever reason, too.

As a wife, mom, and business owner I can get pretty lost and caught up in everything I’m not doing, all of the things that get left undone, all of the ways I’m falling short, and all of the ways I could improve so many things (LMS).

It can be tempting to see only what needs fixing.

It can be tempting to only see what I’m not doing.

It can be tempting to sell myself short.

It can be tempting to NOT see all of the good I’m doing in the world.

And there is so much good.

There is so much good that I’m doing and that you’re doing.

What am I actually creating?

All of these things I say to myself create a negative reality for me.  When I live from this negative reality I begin to see all of the things in my life that support my negative thoughts.  And I begin to see proof everywhere that supports those ideas.

There are more days where I listen completely and am fully present in the moment of hearing, in full detail, about the trip they just went on, the thing that happened at lunch today, what their friends said while waiting in the car rider line, laying in bed next to them just after the lights went off and laughing, sitting on the couch after school looking through their art work, setting up a hot air balloon experience on Saturday morning, many nights eating dinner on the deck, I get inspired about my business or a particular client, I create something amazing that I know is going to make lives better, I spend time with my husband, I write an awesome note, I give to someone just when and how they were needing to be loved, and so much more….

The thing is…you do too!

I don’t want to live in this negative place!

Knowing that I’m creating a negative reality is a bummer but the good news is that we can create a positive reality.  I can tell myself new “I am” statements.  Statements that I can believe fully and begin to see the proof of the positive in my life.

I’ve started working with a business coach and one of the first emails I received from her was about “I am” messages.

Here are some “I am” statements creating a negative reality:

• *I am such a bad mom. I’m sure other mom’s don’t do this.
• *I am such a bad planner.  I never plan ahead for situations like this.
• *I am so mean when I’m hungry.  I hate that.
• *I am terrible at managing my kids emotions when there are too many things going on.
• *I am not the kind of person that can be successful at business
• *I am not enough
• *I am worried my life will never be what I want it to be

How I’ve started to see positive proof about me

I decided to start writing in a book everyday (idea straight from my business coach) some of my “I am” statements that tell me good things about myself.  I’m making it a practice.  There are neural pathways that we make to our brains with negative statements about ourselves.  This practice is one way to create new neural pathways.

I fill up an entire page in my book with positive “I am” statements.  All of them are true.  All of them help me to see the proof of their reality in my life.  And the more I do them the more I’ll know them even on the challenging days when I’m tempted to beat myself up with the things that aren’t true.  My new “I am” statements open up ways to see where my strengths are even more so that I can play to them.

Here are some of my new “I am” statements:

• I am good at seeing possibilities
• I am productive and find ways to make great use of my time
• I am smart and articulate
• I am interested in others
• I am adventurous and enjoy new experiences
• I am full of faith in people I trust
• I am open to possibilities
• I am creative and make things that bless the lives of others
• I am believing in my kids
• I am learning and visionary in the way I approach life and family
• I am enough to be successful
• I am enough

Sometimes we are so good at seeing the good in others we forget to see it in ourselves.  When a friend calls us up and tells us they are discouraged we are good at pointing out all of the ways they are amazing.  The generous outlook isn’t just for them.  It’s for us too.

We’ve all heard the phrase, “What you look for, you will find.”

I’ve discovered a truth:

“What you look for you will find” is not just true of looking for the good in the people I share a home and life with; it’s also true of the person I am.  And what I look for in myself, I will find.  I deserve to find good.  And so do you.

What are some of your new “I am” statements?  Be brave and share yours! I’d like to hear them in the comments.