(thank you to millie holloman for this awesome picture!)
love happens even when it’s not easy.
We rush out the door, backpacks banging against the table as everyone rushes for the car. We scramble to get our seatbelts clicked and then off we go.
The van fills with happy, chaotic chatter about what each of the kids will be doing at school today.
And then like that they are all at school.
I return home after the helter skelter, crazy rush and as I turn the door knob a sizzle breaks through the barrier between me and the kitchen. The aroma of sausage fills the space and makes my stomach grumble in gratitude.
Mike is making me breakfast…a sausage and egg biscuit.
And in this moment I know that he is living like love is a verb because, to him, it is.
There are days for both of us when we are oblivious and we run around doing things that aren’t helpful to the other person.
Most often though we want to be love to the other person.
After 18 years of marriage we both have sacrificed a lot. We empathize when the other person has had a hard day and we try really hard to appreciate the efforts we each make for our relationship. Most of all, we want to be aware of affirming that, yes, our partner in this craziness is doing the best they can.
“My friend, love is a verb. Love – the feeling – is a fruit of love the verb. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?”
-Stephen Covey
What does love do?
sacrifice: giving happily when it’s not easy or convenient
what does that mean?
helping your spouse when you want to stay on the couch, share the last candy bar, being happy to let your spouse be involved in something they love while they stay home happily with the kids, quiet acts of taking care of the house, getting a dog when you don’t care for animals, turning off the tv when your spouse wants to talk even though you’re really enjoying whatever show you’re watching, going out of your way to make a birthday extra nice especially when schedules are already crammed full, giving whatever is hardest or most inconvenient for you to give and doing it with a happy heart because you care about the person
listen: hearing, understanding, and validating what your spouse is going through
what does this mean?
giving your complete attention when your spouse is telling a story, putting away the ipad/iphone/video games/book/distraction when your spouse is talking, reflecting what they are saying with kindness and understanding, letting them have their say and not being rude or interrupting
empathize: understanding without judging
what does this mean?
listening for the feelings behind the words, instead of saying, “what are you talking about? I’m an awesome wife!” say, “I can tell you miss me and wish we could spend more time together.”, pausing before reacting, validating someone’s feelings and letting them know that they are okay to be feeling them
appreciate: noticing the other person’s qualities or what they do that makes your life better and telling them how grateful you are
what does this mean?
noticing their diligence and the way they work so hard, the way they know when to give you a hug, their loyalty to you, complimenting the things you fell in love with in the first place and seeing them as still awesome, giving credit for the things they do, becoming aware of all of the ways they make your life easier and telling them that you’re seeing those things, looking for times when they are a fun dad or a kind wife and letting your heart be filled up with it
affirm: seeing the good in someone despite their imperfections
what does this mean?
seeing the beauty in your spouse even if they’ve gained weight, encouraging the person you love to see the good in themselves even when they are having a bad day, pointing out the wonderful qualities they have always had, telling someone they are resourceful when they find ways to save money rather than viewing them as a penny pincher, thanking them for being aware of your feelings when they go out of their way to make your day easier
I’m so grateful to Mike for the amazing husband that he is…I’m extremely blessed to have his kindness and awareness in my day to day experience. He is a wonderful example to me of each of these qualities.
Have you signed up for the Familyness Fort yet?
There are so many more ways to do all of these things in marriage and relationships. I would love to hear about some of the ways you do these things in your life for the people you love! (please share in the comments)
Davina Fear is a date night aficionado and loves to have time to hang out with her one true love. Coming up with fun dates is a favorite way to spend her Friday nights. She totally got lucky in love.
Have you checked out her Familyness Photo Workshop? The next one will be starting soon!
Leave a reply